“Fast” Eddie McGuire makes a speedy return to radio

“Fast” Eddie McGuire, he of Collingwood fame (?) and general crimes against television-viewing humanity, is set to sign a $1 million deal with Triple M to present its early morning breakfast show.

Myf Warhurst and Peter Heliar were sacked recently, probably for good reason although that might be a bit harsh, leaving Triple M managers with a dilemma: who to choose now?

But the station has apparently decided – as seems to be the norm in Melbourne – to fall back on McGuire and an ex-footballer, in this case former Bulldog Luke Darcy, as its default option.

Why must everything in Melbourne be either presented or endorsed by some AFL stalwart?  Leigh Matthews, who I’m led to believe is a footballing deity, now promotes home and land packages for a company called Devine Homes.  Shane Crawford, another ex-AFL player, presents bad TV programs that should be subject upon nobody – no exceptions.  Dermott Brereton, whose last AFL match was well over 15 years ago, can be seen gallivanting around on the set of Getaway, bemusing Tenerife locals with his ocker accent and bizarre, peroxide-blonde hair-do.  And of course there is Sam Newman, who has been doing a bang-up job selling misogyny for the last 10 years or so.

It concerns me that celebrities – but particularly AFL identities – are considered so marketable in this city.  Are our D grade actors simply incapable of stringing together the necessary eight words needed to bleat out a bad company catch-phrase?  Or are companies and TV executives just eager to capitalise on the fact that AFL players are so well-loved – and the public so blissfully stupid – that a player’s sporting success is congruent to the credibility of the business being promoted?

Stepping back from the rant for a second, I genuinely fear for the future of sports journalism in this city.  Not that I hope to enter the field one day, but simply because I believe it has become dominated by sports-stars-turned-commentators/columnists.  Humble journalism graduates may find it hard to break in amongst the jock hierarchy, as mediocre players with a minimum quota of intellect and insight are preferred over qualified journalism graduates.

Sure, I can accept businesses and TV lifestyle programs using AFL players to promote their product.  As they say in Melbourne: AFL sells.  But I fear the day when every product at Woolies bears the smiling face of a past/present footballer.

As for Triple M and “Fast” Eddie, just ask yourself: Do I really want to tune in?  Really?